


I Can't Hold Your Hand

by Hiyochi



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Tending Wounds, human!Cas, injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-22
Updated: 2014-07-22
Packaged: 2018-02-09 23:59:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2003049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiyochi/pseuds/Hiyochi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean was never good with his words, he was always cruel with his words but underneath it, he means more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Can't Hold Your Hand

" _Nobody is going to hold your hand!"_

" _No one is going to tell you what to do!"_

" _No one is going to guide you through the pain..."_

" _It's all on you, those dumb fucking choices you make. That's your fault. No one else's."_

" _You're a fucking idiot. I'm not going to hanging over you and watching every one of your choices. Fucking think. You have a brain for a reason."_

The same person who tells him this is the same one who holds him tightly, shaking just barely. His breath quavers and his hands are unsteady as they gently and carefully treat his wounds.

Castiel opened his eyes to see short sandy brown hair in his view. Dean doesn't look at him when he stares down as Dean treats the cut on the side of his body. Dean has told him on multiple occasions that he was reckless, an idiot, stupid, and series of things that he remembers. His memory is much worse but those words just sit in the back of his mind.

He's human. He is weak. He gets hurt. Castiel doesn't say anything as Dean cleans the wound and starts putting bandages over it. It's only this time when Castiel knows that Dean really expresses himself. All the time, it's covered by harsh words and insults. There are occasional touches, pats on the back for a good job, a squeeze on the shoulder, brushing of fingers that lingers a moment longer than needed, stealing glances.

It's when Dean is done putting away the first aid kit, the tension grows a bit as Dean turns back to him and hugs him. He doesn't say he's an idiot. He doesn't say you messed up. He doesn't kick him out for being reckless. He doesn't let him be alone to treat his own wounds. He is here.

Dean hugs Castiel tightly and as carefully as he can without hurting his new wound. He sees the scars, the cuts, the blisters, the pain of what this new life has done to him. His voice shakes as he holds Castiel.

" _Don't do that again..."_

" _Once you're gone, you're gone..."_

" _I need you here. Don't leave me...We need you."_

" _Human or not. Don't be reckless..."_

"I can't guide you through the world because I don't know how. I can't protect you from the pain because I will bring the pain myself to you..."

On many occasions has Dean said those words to him whenever they would sit and tend their wounds. After a more gruesome days and the injuries are worse, Dean always sticks a little closer to him. Watching his movements so he wouldn't hurt himself further. It takes him a while to calm down and he is back to how he is.

Castiel lets Dean hold him, to calm his nerves, the longer he was human, the more he understood touches. He longed for them, just a sense of comfort, reassurance, he craved them. Sometimes in different forms and usually they are all from Dean. It took him a while but after he kept getting hurt and Dean would embrace him, he learned how to wrap his arms tightly around the hunter.

He learned that his favorite spot as tucking his face into Dean's neck, holding Dean tightly to feel his pulse against his skin. To reassure each other that they're still alive, that they're there, that they're are here.

Castiel rarely ever said anything when Dean tended his wounds, he learned after the first time and the glazed look over Dean's eyes, the thinly pressed lips, the crease in his brow, that he knew that he asked something wrong. That it was good to stay quiet.

But when Dean started pulling away from him, did he keep his hold on him. He broke the silence.

"I love you."

Dean didn't pause in pulling away, just looked at Castiel when he did.

"I need you too."

Dean's eyes flickered back and forth between his, his expression, unreadable.

"I'm here."

Dean swallowed slightly, the tension in the room felt heavier.

"I'm staying."

When Dean's facial expression changed, the feeling of the room changed. Dean had a much softer look in his eyes, and the tension in his shoulders disappeared. He was just looking at him.

"I'm alive."

Dean reached over and brushed a hand on Castiel's cheek, gently pushing his hair back before he slid away and walked to the door.

"Call me if you need anything."

Then Dean was gone, leaving Castiel sitting there. He didn't feel rejected or abandoned. Quite the contrary, he felt a warm feeling wash over him. He risked his life for Dean for the injuries, but Dean knew he needed him and was willing for him to call him for help.

He'll tell Dean again and again that he loves him. Anytime where Dean was vulnerable and let down his guard with him. When he was tending his wounds. He'll tell him.

Maybe one day Dean will tell him he loves him too, but for now. He already knows.


End file.
